MICHAEL WEEMS
THE PLAYS
Full Length Plays
Bludgeon the Lime
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, change the locks.
Two couples - a tried and tired doctor and his society wife and a young lesbian couple who aren't quite revealed to the public, enter couples therapy to save their relationships. They meet Agatha who has instituted "separation therapy" in the hopes of reconnecting her wayward clients. When the therapy goes awry, they each find a certain truth in distance from their significant others, and are faced with the choice of acceptance or breaking the rules to reach their desire. Bludgeon the Lime is a comical tale that explores these divergent relationships and shows how a little space to breathe can do wonders.
2 men/5 women
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
May 2009
Phare Play Production
Beckmann Theatre
New York, NY
A Common Martyr
Oh what the heck, one more drink can't hurt. Right?
Sidney's graduation was supposed to be a mild celebration - a camping trip to celebrate good times and his love of birds. As the drinks are poured, everyone's innermost desires come to light and the evening's course turns equal parts hilarious and tragic. Only the innocence of youth, the maturity of a few wise souls, and some fleeting moments of non-inebriation can potentially avoid total catastrophe.
3 men/3 women
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
September 2013
Cone Man Running Productions
Studio 101
Houston, TX
Finalist
Newman University Play Festival
2013
Feeling Alright!
It's 1975. Six friends attend their ten year high school reunion and relive the tumultuous, colorful and dynamic years of the late 1960's. Although all six of them have lived very different lives since their graduation, the music of their youth brings the back together for one unforgettable night in Feeling Alright!
Written by Houston playwright Michael Weems, and with music by The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Aretha Franklin, Janis Joplin, Joe Cocker and many more, Feeling Alright! is a whirlwind of music that defined an era.
3 men/3 women
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
May 2013
SRO Productions
Obsidian Art Space
Houston, TX
May 2014
SRO Productions
Obsidian Art Space
Houston, TX
Fragments
Between Elizabeth's 'loving' emasculation of any man nearby, George's rampant paranoia that the sexiest girl ever - Cassandra - will make him her bitch, and Ryan's maniac nightmares of his castrating fiancé, these roommates and the rest of the myriad ensemble throw together a slap dash party to inevitably fulfill their sad destinies through wildly mismatched love affairs, life-altering prank phone calls, and the perpetual misconnection between an ambitious TV journalist-to-be and the guy next door.
Fragments invites you to laugh at their misfortune, empathize if you’ve gone through it too recently, and reminisce on when you were so naïve and fondly wonder…. What the hell was I thinking?!
3 men/3 women
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
July 2008
Little Hibiscus Productions
Matthew Corozine Studio
New York, NY
August 2008 (staged reading)
Festival 56
Chicago, IL
July 2009
Summerfest 2009
Manharttan Repertory Theatre
New York, NY
Five Fears of Fatherhood
A short play collection which looks at being a dad from various perspectives - at times heart warming, always comical and a reminder about the joys - and fear - of being a father.
Includes:
SNIP - Did your last vacation include lying to your wife about an unsafely performed medical procedure? Did it involve your high level of intoxication and sheer disregard for body, family, health, and future? Did it really, really hurt for a week afterwards? No? Ted's did. Ted's got some explaining to do. (1M, 1F)
GOOD TALK - Every father dreads the day of ‘the big talk’ with his son. What happens when the son has a few secrets to reveal to dear old dad? (2M)
WHERE THE TRUTH LIES - An urban legend has come true. There once was a tale of a mysterious man, an enigma who turned men's lives upside down. They would lose sleep, gain weight, and find hair mysteriously gone white. He is... 'The Baby Maker' – natural ally to the ticking clocks of women and nemesis to modern man. Today, he's been spotted. Hide your wives... (4M, 1F)
FUZZY RED HAT - While most families are putting up the last stocking on Christmas Eve – Joe's night finds him in a rundown mall – attempting to convince Santa to reconsider his daughter's selfless Christmas wish. What do you do when 'Santa' is the one needing an infusion of holiday spirit(s)? (2M, 1F)
BOOK OF LOVE - Tara is a love machine. Tara is a love machine with a penchant for taking detailed notes immediately after her encounters. Tara is a love machine who is going to have that baby whether her hubby, Will, wants it or not. Tara is a love machine that's gone a little haywire and with only one route back to reality - Will. (1M, 1F)
Flexible Casting (at least 4 men/1 woman)
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
December 2008
Little Hibiscus Productions
Beckmann Theatre
New York, NY
Heartbreak USA
True love lies in the heart of every - ...no. It just lies.
Jerry’s not going to get off the couch. Not for anyone or anything – not until Missy returns to his loving arms. Only problem? Missy’s just slammed the screen door shut on seven years of neglect. Jerry holds true to his stubborn vow, joined by his best friend Ricky, a local lothario – Trip, and the often visiting “Pizza Guy.” They crow sad songs to the night and bond as brothers without lovers.
Across town, Missy tends to her emotional wounds with the help of always-a-bridesmaid Casey and Lizzie – a gal who is more than ready to head out of town to find herself (and normal men).
As the two groups hold their own, a few late night excursions to test the other side’s resolve create more than a few hiccups to everyone’s world and as a result the groups head out of town for adventure as quickly as they return, tail tucked between their legs.
Three couples split, will any reconcile? Welcome to Heartbreak USA. Do you have a ten for a pizza?
5 men/3 women
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
May 2015
SRO Productions
Obsidian Art Space
Houston, TX
Much Ado About Everything
Mid 90's Seattle – a society apart from the world and totally bored with everything America. There's no better place for an adaptation of Shakespeare's 'Much Ado About Nothing'. Especially since everybody around seems to have a hand in a few different schemes and open mind to what they always thought was true. Enjoy the gossip, the music, and travel back a few years to when plaid and ripped jeans were the uniform for the lovers and fighters alike.
5 men/5 women
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
December 2010
Zephyer Rep
Wings Theatre
New York, NY
Necessary Adjustments
You are cordially invited to the weekend wedding of Millie and Jeff - a pro-elopement bride and self-appointed Groomzilla. Come join them on the verge of starting a new life together with only a few obstacles to get in the way, including the bride's brother - a petulant wannabe rocker, a stripper who can't get through a lap dance without tears and of course, the future mother-in-law - a traditionalist who is just a little reluctant to give her little girl away. As the clock ticks down and the bridal party goes astray, will the couple find happiness in a one way ticket to Hawaii, or the more likely promise of disaster?
Necessary Adjustments tells a comical tale of knowing when to alter your personality or stay who you are and fight like hell for the ones you love.
5 men/4 women
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
October 2009
Phare Play Productions
Beckmann Theatre
New York, NY
Okay Better Best
Bar bets can be a sport...
Can revenge be acquired by jilted women - mercilessly seeking a patsy for one night? In turn, the men are plotting a nearly identical plot. As the knots untangle and true motivations are revealed, all that's left is a ring, a few promises and a few newly made pacts. Okay Better Best dares to explore modern expectations on gender roles, the fear of change and the smile we all hide behind.
3 men/4 women
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
March 2013
Cone Man Running Productions
Obsidian Art Space
Houston, TX
Onward Forward
Onward, Forward is a comic look at the ongoing relationship between Joe, a disgruntled folk singer dying to rock out and his songwriter/manager, Ryan who searches for a cure to life in the offices of whichever doctor his insurance will allow. Their frustrating friendship is put to the test in suburbia where what starts as a typical gig leads to encounters with a sharp-witted single mother, a sorority girl looking for a way to entertain herself for the summer, and parents that seem harmless on the outside. As their musical pit stop gets extended, Joe and Ryan find themselves in a situation that threatens to make them lose who they are and who they want to be.
Onward, Forward provides a humorous and moving telling of a story about staying in touch with reality, valuing friends and family, and knowing when to let go.
4 men/4 women
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
December 2008
Little Hibiscus Productions
Beckmann Theatre
New York, NY
Paper Jam - an Interoffice Romance (Body Count: 9)
You are cordially invited to the holiday party from hell...
Deck the halls with boughs of holly, Fa la la la la, (bang!) la la la la. Tis the season to be jolly, Fa la la la la, (choke!) la la la la. Don we now our gay apparel, Fa la la, la la la, (gasp!) la la la. Troll the anci...ent Yule tide carol, Fa la la la la, (thud!) la la la la. The annual holiday party at Cole Industries is off to a…well, bang. With news of their overnight closing, Chuck, the brash but loyal employee, chooses this moment to deliver a death threat…just as a shot rings out and Mr. Cole is found dead at his feet. As the staff scurries for safety, motives build in accord with the staggering body count. To find safety, Chuck and his merry band of misfits must travel through the trenches of hell (read: the mail room, executive offices, and Marketing Division) and only if they survive will they find the truth. Paper Jam – an Interoffice Romance (Body Count: 9) is a comedic romp of murder, revenge, and love – whether it be for affection or power. Boasting a cast of 12 actors wielding countless hats, see if you can predict who’ll be amongst the lucky survivors. They sure as heck can’t.
7 men/5 women
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
Staged Reading
December 2010
Fundraiser benefitting the Organization for Autism Research
Obsidian Art Space
Houston, TX
Quiet Bed
A full length play comprised of four vignettes each exploring differences in bedside manner, expectations, and lies.
Includes:
LAUGH RIOT - A couple on a second date encounters differences in their views on the levity of sex. (1 man/1 woman)
TOY STORE - A lesbian couple has their love life thrown out of whack when a certain toy is introduced to enliven their bedside manner. (2 women)
RUN, RUN AWAY - As a young man elopes, his best man blindly accompanies him, only to witness a world of complications lies hours ahead. (2 men)
COFFEE, TEA, ME? - A one night stand finds the unsuspecting without clothes and forced to wait out the day together. (1 man/1 woman)
Flexible Casting (at least 2 men/2 women)
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
October 2009
Love Creek Productions
New York City, NY
Scattered (Arranged)
A house brought together by marriage - divided.
The Edelbraham Pact of 1978 (the brain child of Phil Edel and Victor Abraham), a fraternal bond brought together by life -long friends, is proposed the night before June Edel’s 18th birthday. Its purpose? To bring their families and more specifically their children together in an American arranged marriage so that they will always sustain as soul mates. One slight problem. What will the unknowing women say? A resounding ‘no’, would severely underestimate their reaction. The appropriate chaos follows, with each family falling apart alone and rallying together - ultimately finding the true motivations of each man.
(Scattered) Arranged is a comedic, but touching trip to discover whether Phil and Victor can create a family or slow down and appreciate the one’s they already have before it’s too late.
5 men/4 women
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
Staged Reading
March 2012
Country Playhouse
Houston, TX
PUBLICATION:
Independent Playwrights
Wincing at the Light
When a professional hockey team comes calling, Ben has to celebrate. His zealous festivities leave him with an upset girlfriend, a lovelorn best friend, an underappreciated teammate, and an ankle device monitoring his movements to a probation officer. As their final playoff game approaches, Ben not-so-deftly navigates the temptations that could potentially undercut his future and leave him with all or nothing.
Wincing at the Light is a comedic portrayal of what can happen when loyalty, friendship, and love are forced to face off to decide the true winner.
3 men/4 women
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
February 2010
Love Creek Productions
New York City, NY
Unproduced Full Length Plays
The Right Kind of People
In his short dating life, Tim's never gotten a written invitation to a blind date. He's never been on a picnic to the outdoors; never met someone who refused to own any kind of electronic device; or who would eagerly watch a hockey game with him. Tim's never been in love. Tim's never met a girl like Eva.
- Honorable Mention out of 170 submissions for Ohio State Newark 2013 Play Contest.
- Semifinalist for Generations Theatre in Boulder, CO.
Round and Around and Around
Todd’s evening was supposed to be ‘the usual’ – a few too many drinks at the bar he’s frequented for over twenty years, flirt terribly with unattainable women, and crash on his sister’s couch (again). When a beautiful stranger in a rain coat seeks his help and Todd finds he’ll never have another ‘usual night’ every again.
2 men/1 woman
67 pages
3 men/2 women
68 pages